Unlimited Power - Chapter 14

 

Chapter 14 - Distinctions Of Excellence: METAPROGRAMS

 

"In the right key one can say anything. In the wrong key, nothing: the only delicate part is the establishment of the key."

-George Bernard Shaw

 

Why do people react so differently to identical messages?

Why does one person see the glass as half-empty and another sees it as half-full?

Shaw's quote is precisely right.

If you address someone in the right key, you can do anything.

If you address someone in the wrong key, you can do nothing.

If you want to be a master communicator or a master persuader, you have to know how to find the right key.

The path is through metaprograms.

Metaprograms are powerful internal patterns that help determine how people form internal representations and direct their behavior.

Metaprograms are the internal programs (or sorts) we use in deciding what to pay attention to.

We distort, delete, and generalize information because the conscious mind can only pay attention to so many pieces of information at any given time.

To communicate effectively with a person, you have to understand his/her metaprograms.

The FIRST METAPROGRAM involves MOVING TOWARD something or MOVING AWAY.

All human behavior revolves around the urge to gain pleasure or avoid pain.

One person may walk a mile to work because (s)he enjoys the exercise.

Another may walk because of a terrible phobia about being in a car.

As with the other metaprograms I'll discuss, this process is not one of absolutes.

Everyone moves toward some things and away from other things.

Some people tend to be energetic, curious risk takers. They may feel most comfortable moving toward something that excites them.

Others tend to be cautious, wary, and protective; they see the world as a more perilous place.

To find out which way people move, ask them, "WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP -A HOUSE, CAR, JOB, OR ANYTHING ELSE?"

Do they tell you what they want or what they don't want.

What does this information mean?

Everything.

If you're a business person selling a product, you can promote it two ways, by what it does or by what it doesn't do.

Use the wrong metaprogram with a person, and you might as well have stayed at home.

Let's say you want your child to spend more time on his/her schoolwork.

You might say, "You better study or you won't get into a good college."

How well will the strategy work?

It depends on your child.

If (s)he is primarily motivated by moving away, it might work well.

But what if your child moves toward things? Try saying, "If you do this, you can pick and choose any college you want to."

The SECOND METAPROGRAM deals with EXTERNAL and INTERNAL FRAMES OF REFERENCE.

Ask people how they know they've done a good job.

For some people, the proof comes from the outside. The boss pats you on the back and says your work was great, for example. When you get that sort of external approval, you know your work is good. That's an EXTERNAL FRAME OF REFERENCE (EFOR).

For others, the proof comes from the inside. They "just know inside" when they've done well. For example, you might do a job that gets a lukewarm reception from your boss or peers, but if you feel it's good work, you'll trust your own instincts rather than theirs. That's an INTERNAL FRAME OF REFERENCE - (IFOR).

It's important to note that all these metaprograms are CONTEXT- and STRESS-RELATED.

If you've done something for ten years, you probably have developed a strong internal frame of reference; if you're brand new, you may not have as strong an internal frame of reference about what is right or wrong in that context.

The THIRD METAPROGRAM involves SORTING BY SELF or SORTING BY OTHERS.

Some people look at human interactions primarily in terms of what's in it for them personally, some in terms of what they can do for themselves and others.

Of course, people don't always fall into one extreme or other.

If you sort only by self, you become a self-absorbed egotist.

If you sort only by others, you become a martyr.

In a service business, you obviously need people who sort by others. If you're hiring an auditor, you might want someone who would sort by self.

It's like a doctor who sorts strongly by self. He may be a brilliant diagnostician, but unless you feel (s)he cares about you, (s)he won't be totally effective.

In fact, someone like that would probably be better off as a researcher than as a clinician.

Putting the right person in the right job remains one of the biggest problems in American business.

But it's a problem that could be dealt with if people knew how to evaluate the ways that job applicants processed information.

The key is to observe people as carefully as possible, listen to what they say, what sort of metaphors they use, what their physiology reveals, when they're attentive and when they're bored.

People reveal their metaprograms on a consistent, ongoing basis.

To determine if people sort by self or others, see how much attention they pay to other people.

Do they lean toward people and have facial expressions that reflect concern for what others are saying, or do they lean back and remain bored and unresponsive?

The FOURTH SORTING PROGRAM involves MATCHERS and MISMATCHERS.

Look at these figures and tell me how they relate to each other.

If I asked you to describe the relationship between the three figures, you could answer in many ways. You could say they're all rectangles and they all have four sides. If you see them that way, I would call you a MATCHER. Some people respond to the world by finding SAMENESS. They look at things and see what they have in common-MATCHERS. Another kind of matcher will find SAMENESS WITH EXCEPTION-"they're all rectangles, but one is lying down and the other two are standing up."

Other people are MISMATCHERS-DIFFERENCE people.

There are two kinds of them.

One type looks at the world and sees how things are different.

That person might look at the figures and say they are all different and have different relationships to each other. They're not alike at all.

The other kind of mis-matcher sees DIFFERENCE WITH EXCEPTION. That kind of MISMATCHER is like the MATCHER who finds SAMENESS WITH EXCEPTION IN REVERSE-(s)he sees the differences first, and then add the things they have in common.

So who's right? They both are, of course: it all depends on a person's perception. 

However, mis-matchers often have difficulty creating rapport with people because they are always creating differences. Remember, rapport is about finding things in common.

The next metaprogram involves what it takes to CONVINCE SOMEONE OF SOMETHING.

The convincer strategy has two parts.

You must first find out what sensory building blocks a person needs to become convinced, and then you must discover how often a person has to receive these stimuli before becoming convinced.

To discover someone's CONVINCER METAPROGRAM, ask "How do you know when someone else is good at a job? Do you have to a) see them or watch them do it, b) hear about how good they are, c) do it with them, or d) read about their ability?" The answer may be a combination of these.

The next question is "How often does someone have to demonstrate he/she is good before you're convinced?" There are four possible answers: a) immediately (for example, if they demonstrate that they're good at something once, you believe them, b) a number of times (two or more), c) over a period of time (say, a few weeks or a month or a year), and d) consistently.

In the last case, a person has to demonstrate that (s)he is good each and every time.

Another metaprogram is POSSIBILITY versus NECESSITY.

Some people are motivated primarily by necessity, rather than by what they want. They do something because they must. They're not pulled to take action by what is possible.

Others are motivated to look for possibilities. They're motivated less by what they have to do than by what they want to do. They seek options, experiences, choices, paths. The person who is motivated by necessity is interested in what's known and what's secure. The person who is motivated by possibility is equally interested in what's not known.

WORK-STYLE METAPROGRAM. Some people are not happy unless they're INDEPENDENT. They have great difficulty working closely with other people and can't work well under a great deal of supervision. They have to run their own show.

Others function best as part of a group. We call their strategy a COOPERATIVE one. They want to share responsibility for any task they take on. Still others have a PROXIMITY strategy, which is somewhere in between. They prefer to work with other people while maintaining sole responsibility for a task. They're in charge but not alone.

One of the keys to success in anything is the ability to make new distinctions. Metaprograms give you the tools to make crucial distinctions in deciding how to deal with people, and you're not limited to the metaprograms I've listed here.

For example, some people sort primarily by feelings and others sort by logical thoughts. Would you try to persuade them the same way?

Some people make decisions based only on specific facts and figures. First they have to know if the parts will work-they'll think about the broader picture later.

Others are convinced first by an overall concept or idea. They react to global chunks. They want to see the big picture first. If they like it, then they'll think about the details.

Some people are turned on by beginnings. They're most excited when they get a new idea off the ground, and then they soon tend to lose interest in it and go on to something else.

Others are fixated on completion. Anything they do they have to see all the way to the end.

A person who sorts primarily by people will talk mostly about the people at the wedding or the people in a film.

A person who sorts primarily by activities will talk about what actually happened at the wedding, what happened in the film, and so on.

The other thing an understanding of metaprograms provides is a model for balance.

We all follow one strategy or another for using metaprograms.

What a metaprogram does is tell your brain what to delete.

To change your metaprograms, all you have to do is become aware of the things you normally delete. And begin to focus your attention on them. In other words, you can change a metaprogram by consciously deciding to do so.

You might want to stretch a little.

You can start thinking about things that appeal to you and actively move toward them, for example, if you tend to move away.

The other way to change a metaprogram is by Significant Emotional Events-"SEES."

If you sorted by necessity and missed out on some great job opportunity because the company was looking to someone with a dynamic sense of possibility, you might be shocked into changing your approach.

Like everything else in this book, metaprograms should be used on two levels.

The first is as a tool to calibrate and guide our communication with others. Just as people's physiology will tell you countless stories about them, their metaprograms will speak eloquently about what motivates them and what frightens them off'.

The second is a tool for personal change.

Remember, you are not your behaviors. 

If you tend to run any kind of pattern that works against you, all you have to do is change it.

Metaprograms offer one of the most useful tools for personal calibration and change.