Unlimited Power - Chapter 8

 

Chapter 8 - How To Elicit Someone's Strategy

The key to eliciting strategies is knowing that people will tell you everything you need to know about their strategies.

They'll tell you in words.

They'll tell you in the way they use their body. 

They'll even tell you in the way they use their eyes.

You can learn to read a person as skillfully as you can learn to read a map or a book.

People tend to use a particular part of their neurology visual, auditory, or kinesthetic-more than others. Just as some people are right-handed and others are left-handed, people tend to favor one mode over the others.

People who are primarily visual tend to see the world in pictures, and they tend to speak quickly because they're trying to keep up with the pictures in their brain. Their heads are up, they breathe high in their chest, and they talk about how things "LOOK" to them, how they "IMAGINE" and "PICTURE" things.

People who are more auditory tend to be more selective about the words they use. They have more resonant voices, and their speech is slower, more rhythmic, and since words mean a lot to them, they are careful about what they say. They tend to say things like "That SOUNDS right to me" or "I can HEAR what you're SAYING." Their heads are either balanced or slightly cocked (as in listening), they breathe evenly, from the diaphragm or the whole chest. 

People who are more kinesthetic tend to be even slower. They react primarily to feelings. Their voices tend to be deep, and their words often ooze out like molasses. They breathe low in the stomach, their heads are usually down, the neck muscles are relaxed, and they talk about "GRASPING" for something "CONCRETE." Things are "HEAVY," and they need to "GET IN TOUCH" with their "FEELINGS."

You can also see what representational system – a person is using by watching their eyes.

EYE ACCESSING CUES

V^R Visual Remembered: Seeing images of things seen before, in the way they were seen before.

Sample questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: "What color are your mother's eyes?" "What does your coat look like?"

V^C Visual Constructed: Seeing images of things never seen before, or seeing things differently than they were seen before.

Questions that usually elicit this type of processing include: "What would an orange hippopotamus with purple spots look like?" "What would you look like from the other side of the room?"

A^C Auditory Constructed: Hearing internal auditory sounds not heard before, or hearing them differently than they were heard before. 

Questions that may elicit this type of processing include: "If you were to make up a song right now, what would the first few bars sound like?" "If your mother and I were to sing the National Anthem together, what would that sound like?"

A^R Auditory Remembered: Remembering sounds heard before.

Questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: "What's the last thing I said?" "What does your alarm clock sound like?"

A^D Auditory Digital: Talking to oneself. Statements that tend to elicit this kind of processing include: "Say something to yourself that you often say to yourself." "Recite the Pledge of Allegiance."

K Kinesthetic: Feeling emotions, tactile sensations (sense of touch), or pro-prioceptive feelings (feelings of muscle movement).

Questions that elicit this kind of processing include: "What does it feel like to be happy?" "What is the feeling of touching a pine cone?" "What does it feel like to run?"

All you need to do is get people to experience their strategy and take careful note of what they do specifically to get back into it. The key to effective elicitation of a person's strategy is putting the person in a fully "associated" state. 

State is the hotline to strategy. It's the switch that opens the circuits to a person's unconscious.

So you must put the person back into the kitchen (like the baker)-back to the time when (s)he was experiencing the particular state-and then find out what was the very first thing that caused him/her to go into that state. Was it something (s)he SAW (Ve) or HEARD (Ve)? Or was it the TOUCH of something or someone?

After the person tells you what happened first, watch that person and ask, "What was the very next thing that caused you to be in that state? Was it...?" and so on, until that person has reconstructed his/her strategy. EVERY STRATEGY ELICITATION FOLLOWS THIS PATTERN.

STRATEGY ELICITATION

Can you remember a time when you were totally X'd?

Can you remember a specific time?

Go back to that time and experience it . . . (get them in-state)

As you remember that time . . . (keep them in-state)

A. What was the very first thing that caused you to be X'd?

Was it something you saw?

Was it something you heard?

Was it the touch of something or someone?

What was the very first thing that caused you to be totally X'd?

After you (saw, heard, or were touched), what was the very next thing that caused you to be totally X'd?

B. Did you . . .

make a picture in your mind?

say something to yourself?

have a certain feeling or emotion?

What was the very next thing that caused you to be X'd?

After you did A and B (saw something, said something to yourself, and so on), what was the very next thing that caused you to be totally X'd?

C. Did you . . .

make a picture in your mind?

say something to yourself?

have a certain feeling or emotion?

or did something else happen?

What was the very next thing that caused you to be X'd?

Ask if the person was very X'd at this point (attracted, motivated, whatever).

If yes, elicitation is complete. If no, continue eliciting syntax until congruent completion of state.

The next step is simply to elicit the specific submodalities of each representation in this person's strategy.

So if the first step of the strategy was visual, you would ask:

What about what you saw (visual external)?

Then you would ask:

What was it specifically about what you saw that motivated you?

Was it the size of it?

Brightness of it?

The way it moved?

Continue this process until you have all the submodalities for the strategy. Then simply talk about something you want to motivate that person to do by using the same syntax and the same key submodality words and then judge by the results you produce in that person's state. 

Understanding strategy is absolutely essential to success in sales. You might begin, "I noticed you're using our competitor's copy machine. I'm curious. What was the very first thing that caused you to want to buy that machine? Was it something you saw or read about it ...or did someone tell you about it? Or was it the way you felt about the salesperson or product itself?" These questions may seem a little strange, but a salesperson who has established rapport will say, "I'm curious because I really want to fill your needs."

You can also figure out what your own love strategy is. Love strategies are different from many other strategies in one key way. Instead of a three- or four-step procedure, there's usually only one step. There's one-touch, one thing to say, or one way of looking at a person that makes him or her feel totally loved.

Does that mean everyone needs just one thing to feel loved? No. I like to have all three, and I'm sure you do too. I want someone to touch me in the right way and tell me they love me and show me they love me. But just as one sense often dominates overall, one way of expressing love instantly unlocks your combination, making you feel totally loved.

How do you elicit someone's love strategy? You should already know ...but here it is in a written form:

ELICITING LOVE STRATEGIES

Can you remember a time when you felt totally loved?

Can you remember a specific time?

As you go back to that time and experience it . . . (get the person in-state):

V. In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love, is it absolutely necessary for your partner to show you (s)he loves you by . . .

taking you places?

buying you things?

looking at you in a certain way?

Is it absolutely necessary that your partner show you that (s)he loves you in this way for you to feel totally loved? (Judge by physiology.)

A. In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love, is it absolutely necessary for your partner to . . .

tell you (s)he loves you in a certain way? (Judge by physiology.)

K. In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love, is it absolutely necessary for your partner to . . .

touch you in a certain way? (Judge by physiology.)

Now elicit the submodality. How specifically? Show me, tell me, demonstrate for me.

Test inside and outside the strategy. Judge by congruent physiology.

A minority of people will at first come up with two love strategies instead of just one. They'll think of a touch, and they'll think of something they love to be told, for example. So you have to keep them in state and get them to make a distinction.

Ask them if they could have the touch but not the sound, would they feel totally loved? If they had the sound but not the touch, would they feel totally loved? Remember, we need all three. BUT THERE'S ONE THAT OPENS THE VAULT. THERE'S ONE THAT WORKS MAGIC.

There's an interesting dynamic that develops in relationships.

In the very beginning of a relationship, the stage I call courting, we are very mobilized. We do all three-show, tell, and touch.

As time goes on, most people get a little comfortable and begin to communicate our feelings of love in just the modality we favor-the way we would like to receive it.

Problems will arise in a relationship if you're no longer triggering your partner's love strategy-it will feel like some of the magic is missing ...and it is!

Most of us think our map of the world is the way it is. We think, "I know what makes me feel loved." That must be what works for everyone else. We forget that the map is not the territory. It's only how we see the territory.

Awareness is a very powerful tool. Now that you know how to elicit a love strategy, sit down with your partner and find out what makes him or her feel totally loved, and teach each other how to trigger your love strategies.

The changes this understanding can make in the quality of your relationship are worth your investment in this book many times over!